Honoring a Life Means Getting the Details Right
Writing an obituary under the weight of grief is one of the most challenging writing tasks anyone faces. It is also one of the most consequential — this document will be read by family, friends, and future generations, and it will exist as a permanent record of a person's life. Understanding the most common mistakes in obituary writing can help you avoid them and create something truly worthy of your loved one.
Mistake 1: Being Too Vague
One of the most common shortcomings in obituary writing is relying on generic phrases that could apply to anyone: "beloved by all," "always had a smile," "will be deeply missed." These phrases are not wrong, but they are not distinctive. They do nothing to help a reader understand who this specific person was.
How to avoid it: Replace generalities with specifics. Instead of "she loved her family," write "she hosted every Thanksgiving dinner for 30 years and could name every grandchild's favorite dish without asking." Specificity is what makes an obituary memorable.
Mistake 2: Omitting Key People
Failing to mention an important family member — a stepchild, an estranged sibling, a beloved companion — can cause lasting hurt and conflict within a family. Conversely, including someone incorrectly can also cause distress.
How to avoid it: Before finalizing the obituary, review the survivors list with at least two family members who have knowledge of the full family structure. Confirm spellings of names and the nature of each relationship.
Mistake 3: Factual Errors
Incorrect birth dates, misspelled names, wrong locations — these errors may seem minor, but they can cause real distress and may create problems for genealogical records for generations. Errors in a published obituary are difficult or impossible to fully correct once the piece is in print.
How to avoid it: Verify every fact against a primary source (birth certificate, driver's license, family bible, etc.) before submitting. Have at least one other person proofread the final version.
Mistake 4: Focusing Only on Achievements
Listing a person's professional titles and accomplishments without any warmth or personal detail produces an obituary that reads like a résumé. It may be technically accurate and yet entirely miss the essence of who the person was.
How to avoid it: Balance achievements with character. For every credential, try to include something human: a quirk, a passion, a relationship, a habit that those who knew them will immediately recognize.
Mistake 5: Ignoring the Deceased's Own Wishes
Many people leave behind preferences about how they would like to be remembered — or explicitly ask that certain information not be included. Families sometimes override these wishes out of grief, habit, or family politics.
How to avoid it: Before writing, check for any written instructions from the deceased. If they expressed preferences verbally, try to honor those. Their obituary is, ultimately, about them.
Mistake 6: Writing an Obituary That Is Too Long for Its Purpose
For newspaper submissions, column space comes at a cost and editors have word limits. Submitting an overlong obituary may result in it being cut — possibly removing important information — or returned for revision during a time-sensitive period.
How to avoid it: Ask the publication about their word limits before you begin writing. For longer tributes, consider writing two versions: a shorter one for print and a full version for an online memorial platform, where space is not constrained.
Mistake 7: Not Keeping a Copy
Many families never retain a copy of a published obituary, only to realize years later — when researching family history — that the original newspaper clipping has been lost and the online version has been removed.
How to avoid it: Save a digital copy of the final text and any published versions. Print and laminate a copy for family records. Consider submitting the obituary to free genealogical archives like FamilySearch or Legacy.com, where records tend to be preserved long-term.
A Final Word
Every obituary is a chance to capture something true and lasting about a person who mattered. The mistakes above are easy to make under pressure, but with a little preparation and a second set of eyes, they are equally easy to avoid. Take the time to get it right — your loved one deserves nothing less.